I Can't Feel My Foot, But It Itches: Adventures In Sickness

I haven't been feeling well lately. The symptoms are vague (except for occasionally not being able to feel my foot, save the unmerciful itching, but I don't think there is a name for that), but I am miserable, and spend most of my energy trying to sleep, trying to stay awake, or trying to eat. This feeling (not the foot part) overtakes me several times a year, usually just after I have started making progress toward a goal; the dragging end to many of my beginnings. I think this is coincidental, as it happens so often, by the time I have regained some kind of human functioning and stepped toward progress, it returns.

I have semi-joked about having Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (the "Sick and Tired" episode of The Golden Girls pretty much sums up my life with doctors, except for the end where Dorothy finally finds someone competent), but have dismissed the notion as hypochondria. Every time I get into this state, the idea resurfaces. Having an already diagnosed chronic illness makes it far less like that I will be diagnosed with another one, even if it makes it more likely that I have one. Autoimmune disorders like company ( and migraines seem to be their BFF). Doctors don't believe women with unverifiable symptoms.

I can deal with the pain, I spend almost every moment of my life in pain. The issue is the lethargy. My brain races with things I want desperately to do, but there are days I cannot get out of bed, and nights when I can't get up off of the couch to go to bed. The situation has become downright Proust-ian, except that I am usually too tired to write, and I'm not a literary genius. Overlooking those small details, it is uncanny.

Nocturnal

For some reason, my natural sleep cycle is the reverse of that of normal humans. I am, essentially, nocturnal. When I allow myself to get out of a set schedule, I revert back to my natural state. Unfortunately, I am currently in that state. I try to get flipped around, but it is so very difficult. I'm not sure why this happens, but it is quite inconvenient, though I do sleep much better during the day than at night, so it is kind of nice. Maybe I should move to the opposite side of the globe, though I have a feeling that I would still be nocturnal. For now, I will blame it on the cats.