Fat

As much as I try to be a good fat acceptance-y type person, I struggle with it. I truly believe that being fat, just as being thin, is simply a state of being. It's just the way some people are. I am intrigued by the variations produced with only tiny changes in our genetic makeup; it is something we should celebrate, because it is really pretty amazing.

While I am quick with the rhetoric,  I am unable to accept my own body. Which makes me a bit of a hypocrite, well, a massive hypocrite, actually. I want desperately to be one of those people who truly loves her body, but have no idea how to get there. I have never considered myself pretty, or even average. I am somewhere between plain and slightly grotesque. According to every magazine I've ever read, confidence is the sexiest thing any human being could posses. But, that one little line thrown in every couple of months does not make up for the avalanche of perfection thrown in my face everyday, and the smug and disgusted attitudes that insure I know that it is complete crap; nothing more than a patronizing parting line thrown to a pathetic loser searching desperately for validation.

Not A Hypocrite

I am a vegetarian who wears leather, therefore, I am called a hypocrite. The people who say this seem to misunderstand either vegetarianism or hypocrisy. There are no rules to vegetarianism, it is just a catch all label for people who do not, under certain circumstances, consume meat. People who call themselves vegetarians have all made different decisions, for different reasons, about what they will and will not eat. Some consume fish, some eat eggs, milk, or animal by-products, and others still consume meat on rare occasions, but all of them can be labeled as vegetarian. Personally, I've found it to be the easiest way to convey to people that I may be inspecting my food, and questioning the ingredient list.

A proselytizing vegan who wears leather may be considered a hypocrite, but a person practicing her own brand of vegetarianism, while minding her own business... well, that's not a hypocrite, that is a person living her life while making personal judgments. Hypocrisy includes a note of dishonesty or disingenuousness. Since there are no set rules to vegetarianism, the vegetarian in question would have to define rules, then go against them, to be a hypocrite.

Someone claiming to be a vegetarian for animal rights reasons, but who sports leather, feathers, or fur is likely a hypocrite, but those items could be from his pre-veggie days, or vintage items, or gifts from well meaning loved ones, or any of a hundred other scenarios. With such a complex, and personal issue, it is difficult to accurately call someone a hypocrite, not impossible, but there will likely be a high level of error on snap judgments. But, that's pretty universal, isn't it Mrs. Darcy.

Human Earworm

I blame part of my inability to be productive on a chronic case of human earworm. Put away the Merck Manual, this isn't another disease I'm convinced is killing me. Also, this isn't Star Trek. I call it human earworm becasuse it's like having a song stuck in my head, except it's a person (not literally, obviously). I become completely consumed, and daydream elaborate yet believable situations and conversations. A soap opera in my mind;  there is usually a main storyline with a dashing star, but occasionally I switch to an alternate storyline featuring a lesser character to keep things interesting. And, just like any earworm, no matter what I do, it will not go away.

It's odd that the subjects are rarely people I know, or at least know well. It follows, I guess, as the songs most likely to play on constant repeat in my brain are usually ones I don't know well either. That unfamiliarity is what provides for the, not at all annoying, endless repetition of the three bars of the song I know, as my brain trudges on in a futile attempt to remember what comes after the hook.

I'm not sure if normal people experience human earworms, or if it's just one of those idiosyncrasies that makes me so creepily weird interesting. For the sake of feeling moderately normal, I like to assume that others experience this. I am willing to acknowledge, however,  that most cases of human earworm are likely due to missing someone who was at one time an important part of the affected person's life. So, I'm still a freak.