I think I have bronchitis... in the summer. My immune system seems to actively recruit pathogens. To top off all of the fun I'm having, Scarlett has a urinary tract infection, which explains why she has been peeing on things, and Mika sneezed blood today. I'm a little terrified about the bloody nose, but am glad Scarlett was finally able to see her veterinarian, and was given a shot instead of pills. I hope to get back to regularly scheduled programming soon.
In other news, I'm knitting a giant thing, and writing a pattern for a not so giant thing. The temperature has dropped just enough (it's only getting into the high 70s indoors) that I can start on holiday knitting projects, so I have stacked up about 3 times more than I will likely be able to finish. It's my nature. The parts of my hands I can feel are already sore. There is a good chance this doesn't end well.
Showing posts with label Adventures In Sickness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adventures In Sickness. Show all posts
Friday, August 12, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Steamed
I haven't been doing much of anything lately, I'm in a bit of a funk. It doesn't help that Scarlett has started peeing on the furniture. I clean the couch and recliner everyday, it's like Groundhog Day, but with cats and pee and without Bill Murray, so maybe a little bit better than Groundhog Day.
In trying to clean up the pee, I turned to steam. My Shark steamer decided to stop working entirely, so I got out my My Little Steamer. Steam is steam, right... well, not really, but in this case it would do. I filled it up, added a bit of vinegar to help with the pee smell and my very hard water, and fired it up. Now, I've added vinegar before, it's like cleaning out a coffee maker. I did not expect it to start shooting out boiling water (I would have expected that from a coffee maker, however). It burned my feet a little, and nearly got Emi, who has a fascination with steam that I really don't understand.
Because I don't learn, I assumed that the issue was vinegar related, and tried it again the next day (maybe not so much better than Groundhog Day) and again burned my toes with the fountain of boiling water that spewed forth from my little yellow steamer. And, again, Emi was nearly caught in the line of fire. I did have enough sense to scoot her out of the way, but not enough to move my feet.
Determined that steam would be my ultimate weapon against pee, I decided I needed a new steamer, though I did contemplate using the steam mop on the couch. My nocturnal nature meant that it was after 9 PM when I made this discovery. I struck out at Wal-Mart, but was able to find a garment steamer at Kohl's, plus I got some Kohl's cash and a cute dress. The steamer is great, but I'm having trouble keeping up with Scarlett.
I've started taking her to the litter-box a few times a day, because I think the issue is that Jasper and Emi like to watch her. I'm hoping it will work, because I'm really sick of cleaning up pee, and I like my furniture and can't afford new. Furniture protection and cat transport has been taking up all of my energy. It's an exciting life.
In trying to clean up the pee, I turned to steam. My Shark steamer decided to stop working entirely, so I got out my My Little Steamer. Steam is steam, right... well, not really, but in this case it would do. I filled it up, added a bit of vinegar to help with the pee smell and my very hard water, and fired it up. Now, I've added vinegar before, it's like cleaning out a coffee maker. I did not expect it to start shooting out boiling water (I would have expected that from a coffee maker, however). It burned my feet a little, and nearly got Emi, who has a fascination with steam that I really don't understand.
Because I don't learn, I assumed that the issue was vinegar related, and tried it again the next day (maybe not so much better than Groundhog Day) and again burned my toes with the fountain of boiling water that spewed forth from my little yellow steamer. And, again, Emi was nearly caught in the line of fire. I did have enough sense to scoot her out of the way, but not enough to move my feet.
Determined that steam would be my ultimate weapon against pee, I decided I needed a new steamer, though I did contemplate using the steam mop on the couch. My nocturnal nature meant that it was after 9 PM when I made this discovery. I struck out at Wal-Mart, but was able to find a garment steamer at Kohl's, plus I got some Kohl's cash and a cute dress. The steamer is great, but I'm having trouble keeping up with Scarlett.
I've started taking her to the litter-box a few times a day, because I think the issue is that Jasper and Emi like to watch her. I'm hoping it will work, because I'm really sick of cleaning up pee, and I like my furniture and can't afford new. Furniture protection and cat transport has been taking up all of my energy. It's an exciting life.
Monday, June 20, 2011
5 Cats, A Girl, and The Pizza Place
I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and exhausted lately. I haven't really been doing much, but I can't seem to get myself together. I think it is the allergy season. It has completely knocked my on my arse. I have so much I want and need to do, but most days I can't drag myself off of the couch, and have trouble just lifting my arms. I'm currently stuck in a migraine stupor, which isn't really helping. Yet, I can't sleep.
Also, I want pizza, and not that frozen gluten free crap. I want Pizza Place pizza! I could really go for my favorite deli sandwich, too.
These are the moments I long to be normal.
Also, I want pizza, and not that frozen gluten free crap. I want Pizza Place pizza! I could really go for my favorite deli sandwich, too.
These are the moments I long to be normal.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Small Victories
I managed to mow the lawn on Monday. I say Monday, but I started on Friday, and I say lawn, but really I only managed the flat bit. It looks a bit ragged, but I did it. I never thought I would be able to. My allergy to grass affects my daily life; I can't go outside when my neighbors are mowing, or have just mowed, and, on bad days, I just can't go outside. Not to sit outside and enjoy a beautiful day, but I can't walk from my front door to the car in the driveway.
Lately, since I've stopped taking pseudoephedrine twice a day, my allergies have strangely seemed a bit less severe. Maybe it's because I'm not suffering the side effects, or because I've also become more cognizant of my food allergies. Either way, I am able to go outside, so long as the neighbors or the wind aren't stirring up the grass.
Determined to be a "regular person", I decided to take on the task of lawn mowing. I purchased a reel mower, because I knew a power mower was completely out of the question. Even the UPS guy mocked my choice, everyone knows those old relics are difficult to use. I also knew I couldn't possibly use a string trimmer, so I bought grass shears. It is laborious, for me, and I can only do a small bit at a time, before immediately jumping in the shower to rinse off the grass pollen.
Just being able to do it, to cut down the grass in my yard, seems a great triumph. I am so proud and happy. Alternatively, I am horribly saddened by the feeling of success; it is a simple task that people manage to do once a week (or in the case of my across-the-street neighbor, twice a week). Woohoo! I can almost function like a person.
Lately, since I've stopped taking pseudoephedrine twice a day, my allergies have strangely seemed a bit less severe. Maybe it's because I'm not suffering the side effects, or because I've also become more cognizant of my food allergies. Either way, I am able to go outside, so long as the neighbors or the wind aren't stirring up the grass.
Determined to be a "regular person", I decided to take on the task of lawn mowing. I purchased a reel mower, because I knew a power mower was completely out of the question. Even the UPS guy mocked my choice, everyone knows those old relics are difficult to use. I also knew I couldn't possibly use a string trimmer, so I bought grass shears. It is laborious, for me, and I can only do a small bit at a time, before immediately jumping in the shower to rinse off the grass pollen.
Just being able to do it, to cut down the grass in my yard, seems a great triumph. I am so proud and happy. Alternatively, I am horribly saddened by the feeling of success; it is a simple task that people manage to do once a week (or in the case of my across-the-street neighbor, twice a week). Woohoo! I can almost function like a person.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Broken
My mom, who has just recovered from two knee replacements, just called to say that the knee she injured a couple of days ago is broken, well, the tibia is. She went to the ER and they told her everything was fine, but she went to see her orthopedic surgeon today, and they told her that it was broken, and that the blisters all over her knee are called fracture blisters, and occur when a bone has broken to the marrow. I was originally concerned about blood clots, but she thought since she was sent home from the ER she didn't need to worry. Luckily, they sent her for an ultrasound today, and she is okay on that front.
I am so furious at the hospital, as they have screwed up her care repeatedly. When she was in the hospital for her second knee replacement, they had her on someone else's meds the whole time, and wouldn't give her enough pain meds, because she was so out of it. One of the things she was getting was something she's allergic to, another can cause stroke if you go off of it without tapering. The only reason any of the mistakes were uncovered is that she is a pharmacist, and knew that she needed to be tapered off of that medication, and that there wasn't a prescription for it when she was leaving the hospital.
And that's just the tip of the iceberg. But, their incompetence didn't cause the fracture, and it's not their fault she is going to have to have another surgery. (At least, I don't think they did anything to make it worse, though they did allow her to walk around on it for days.)
My life is a constant game of keep away, just when security, stability, and health are within reach, it is all pulled away.
I am so furious at the hospital, as they have screwed up her care repeatedly. When she was in the hospital for her second knee replacement, they had her on someone else's meds the whole time, and wouldn't give her enough pain meds, because she was so out of it. One of the things she was getting was something she's allergic to, another can cause stroke if you go off of it without tapering. The only reason any of the mistakes were uncovered is that she is a pharmacist, and knew that she needed to be tapered off of that medication, and that there wasn't a prescription for it when she was leaving the hospital.
And that's just the tip of the iceberg. But, their incompetence didn't cause the fracture, and it's not their fault she is going to have to have another surgery. (At least, I don't think they did anything to make it worse, though they did allow her to walk around on it for days.)
My life is a constant game of keep away, just when security, stability, and health are within reach, it is all pulled away.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Rethinking Silk
In breaks between cleaning up things that come out of cats, I've been thinking about what kind of vegetarian I want to be. I call myself an environmental vegetarian, but in reality I'm an accidental vegetarian. I never intended to go veggie permanently, it just kind of happened. In fact, I never thought I could be vegetarian, I live in a small town in West Virginia, procuring vegetarian options seemed impossible. For health and environmental reasons, I needed to cut back on the amount of meat I was consuming, especially of the processed variety. I tried, and it didn't work. So, I decided to do kind of a meat detox, to go a period without it, then add healthier (for me and the planet) alternatives back in, slowly. I've yet to start adding things back in almost two years later. In fact, I seem to be taking more away.
In my first week sans meat, I accidentally ate bacon bits on a salad without thinking about it. I doubt they were real bacon, but the point is that I wasn't paying attention. Or, that I was, but there was too much information, too much change, for me to get it right. By get it right, I mean by my own standards. I don't think being vegetarian makes me accountable to other vegetarians, or other people at all, really. But, I am accountable to myself, which means my habits must evolve with my morality, which must evolve with my increased knowledge and fortitude. The basic formula seems to be, the more I know, the less I eat or buy.
In my first week sans meat, I accidentally ate bacon bits on a salad without thinking about it. I doubt they were real bacon, but the point is that I wasn't paying attention. Or, that I was, but there was too much information, too much change, for me to get it right. By get it right, I mean by my own standards. I don't think being vegetarian makes me accountable to other vegetarians, or other people at all, really. But, I am accountable to myself, which means my habits must evolve with my morality, which must evolve with my increased knowledge and fortitude. The basic formula seems to be, the more I know, the less I eat or buy.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Struggling
I am not a social person by nature. Most of my time is spent in a solitary state, and I'm okay with that. My mind races, and there are incredible adventures to be had, even if I can't be bothered to step outside. Unfortunately, in order to sell the things that I create during my time alone, I apparently need a rich social network. In order to get people to read my blogs or to look at my shop I need people who know me to do these things first.
I'm becoming increasingly convinced that most initial success on Etsy is driven by close personal relationships. Close friends and family members make the first purchases, comment on treasuries, promote their loved one's shop. I don't have that kind of support system. I never have. More importantly, I have no idea how to create it, or if I even want to.
I've always been stubborn. I am used to getting my way, not because things are given to me, but because once I decide I want something, I am relentless. I also get things done my own way. I won't take the easy route, but insist on making things work the way I want them to. But, I think social networking has me beaten. I'm not social, I can't network. While my creative ideas have been met with criticism and rejection since I was a child, for the first time, I am feeling beaten. I don't know if I can do this. I put in so much effort, and get nothing in return. Hungry and tired, the only things keeping me going are a sheer unwillingness to accept failure, and a desperate need for accomplishment.
It is hitting me harder because I'm also in the midst of accepting the fact that I may never be a scientist. I know this may seem silly, but it is what I've always wanted. While most people gave up on their childhood dream jobs years ago, I've held on to the tatters of mine. It is all I am, all I've ever really wanted. It is my identity, my future, my happiness. But, I am not sure I am physically capable of reaching my goal.
Everything is spiraling away from me. There is nothing for me to grasp on to. My sense of self is so tied to two things, my creativity, and my intelligence, that with the loss of both, or the illusion of the loss of both, I am nothing. As I try to maintain one, I lose the ability to nurture the other. I can't make a decision on which is more important to me, so both slip away. Then, I have no meaning, no individuality. I am not myself, I am lost, and I am struggling.
I'm becoming increasingly convinced that most initial success on Etsy is driven by close personal relationships. Close friends and family members make the first purchases, comment on treasuries, promote their loved one's shop. I don't have that kind of support system. I never have. More importantly, I have no idea how to create it, or if I even want to.
I've always been stubborn. I am used to getting my way, not because things are given to me, but because once I decide I want something, I am relentless. I also get things done my own way. I won't take the easy route, but insist on making things work the way I want them to. But, I think social networking has me beaten. I'm not social, I can't network. While my creative ideas have been met with criticism and rejection since I was a child, for the first time, I am feeling beaten. I don't know if I can do this. I put in so much effort, and get nothing in return. Hungry and tired, the only things keeping me going are a sheer unwillingness to accept failure, and a desperate need for accomplishment.
It is hitting me harder because I'm also in the midst of accepting the fact that I may never be a scientist. I know this may seem silly, but it is what I've always wanted. While most people gave up on their childhood dream jobs years ago, I've held on to the tatters of mine. It is all I am, all I've ever really wanted. It is my identity, my future, my happiness. But, I am not sure I am physically capable of reaching my goal.
Everything is spiraling away from me. There is nothing for me to grasp on to. My sense of self is so tied to two things, my creativity, and my intelligence, that with the loss of both, or the illusion of the loss of both, I am nothing. As I try to maintain one, I lose the ability to nurture the other. I can't make a decision on which is more important to me, so both slip away. Then, I have no meaning, no individuality. I am not myself, I am lost, and I am struggling.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Breakdown
I finally broke down today and decided to create a Facebook account. I've resisted for years, but I thought it would be good for business. As I was inputting my information, I had a panic attack. The idea of having my personal information so readily accessible to so many people, the flood of pictures of people I never thought I would see (and never wanted to see) again, and the knowledge that my hermit-like nature would be judged and somewhat destroyed was more than I could handle. I broke down.
I deleted my account and began to breathe more easily, the albuterol inhaler helped, since the panic attack triggered a broncho-spasm. It seems silly that I can blog about things that are incredibly personal, yet couldn't bring myself to share superficial personal information. There is comfort in the quasi-anonymity and seclusion provided by this blog. So, I'll work a little harder to network sans Facebook. I'm no good if I can't breathe.
I deleted my account and began to breathe more easily, the albuterol inhaler helped, since the panic attack triggered a broncho-spasm. It seems silly that I can blog about things that are incredibly personal, yet couldn't bring myself to share superficial personal information. There is comfort in the quasi-anonymity and seclusion provided by this blog. So, I'll work a little harder to network sans Facebook. I'm no good if I can't breathe.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Bronchitis Sucks
I've had bronchitis for awhile now, and it sucks. What sucks even more is that I've developed an allergy to the antibiotic. There was a rash, and I was miserable. I'm not a good sick person, so I'm probably not any fun to be around either. But, I'm too self absorbed to worry about that right now, I don't feel well.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
I Can't Feel My Foot, But It Itches: Adventures In Sickness
I haven't been feeling well lately. The symptoms are vague (except for occasionally not being able to feel my foot, save the unmerciful itching, but I don't think there is a name for that), but I am miserable, and spend most of my energy trying to sleep, trying to stay awake, or trying to eat. This feeling (not the foot part) overtakes me several times a year, usually just after I have started making progress toward a goal; the dragging end to many of my beginnings. I think this is coincidental, as it happens so often, by the time I have regained some kind of human functioning and stepped toward progress, it returns.
I have semi-joked about having Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (the "Sick and Tired" episode of The Golden Girls pretty much sums up my life with doctors, except for the end where Dorothy finally finds someone competent), but have dismissed the notion as hypochondria. Every time I get into this state, the idea resurfaces. Having an already diagnosed chronic illness makes it far less like that I will be diagnosed with another one, even if it makes it more likely that I have one. Autoimmune disorders like company ( and migraines seem to be their BFF). Doctors don't believe women with unverifiable symptoms.
I can deal with the pain, I spend almost every moment of my life in pain. The issue is the lethargy. My brain races with things I want desperately to do, but there are days I cannot get out of bed, and nights when I can't get up off of the couch to go to bed. The situation has become downright Proust-ian, except that I am usually too tired to write, and I'm not a literary genius. Overlooking those small details, it is uncanny.
I have semi-joked about having Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (the "Sick and Tired" episode of The Golden Girls pretty much sums up my life with doctors, except for the end where Dorothy finally finds someone competent), but have dismissed the notion as hypochondria. Every time I get into this state, the idea resurfaces. Having an already diagnosed chronic illness makes it far less like that I will be diagnosed with another one, even if it makes it more likely that I have one. Autoimmune disorders like company ( and migraines seem to be their BFF). Doctors don't believe women with unverifiable symptoms.
I can deal with the pain, I spend almost every moment of my life in pain. The issue is the lethargy. My brain races with things I want desperately to do, but there are days I cannot get out of bed, and nights when I can't get up off of the couch to go to bed. The situation has become downright Proust-ian, except that I am usually too tired to write, and I'm not a literary genius. Overlooking those small details, it is uncanny.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Attention Deficit... Hey Look at the Shiny...
For years I've thought I had something similar to ADD, but never really researched the topic. I only knew the most discussed symptoms, and believed some of what I experienced did not fit. Because of the descriptions of the disorder from people who have it, I decided to finally look up some information. Once I wandered back to the computer, I took the quick assessment available here. According to the site, anyone who experiences 10 or more of the symptoms listed likely has Attention Deficit Disorder, and should be checked out by a doctor. I have 21 of the listed symptoms. So, maybe I do have ADD, or maybe I should stop using diagnostic tools I find on the internet.
Monday, January 24, 2011
From the Tube
For most of my life, I have been on some form of antihistamine and decongestant. My allergies are epic. Recently, however, I decided to stop taking the decongestant. The reasoning behind this maneuver is a bit muddled and long-winded. The important parts are that I stopped taking it and that I am now able to sleep for several hours a night/day (like I'm a person!) and I have had lots of sinus drainage that is filling my digestive tract. Yummy.
Because of the copious amount of snot, I don't feel hungry, ever. This has been a problem all of my life. Everytime someone says some variation of "I only eat when I'm hungry," with the requisite accompaniment of pretentious snobbery, I secretly hope they get to experience my lack of appetite some day. Several times a week, I become light headed and weak, because I haven't eaten enough. Not that I don't want to eat, but that I just don't feel like it. I often just forget to eat. And, when I remember, it is hard to find something I can force down. My relationship with food is much like that of someone looking at a dessert menu at a restaurant with giant portions; I want to have something, but I'm just too full.
So, when I do feel like eating, I more than make up for the lean times. (My grandma would be sure to point out that I've never been lean, and that I should probably have used a different word. It's amazing I don't have more issues, really.) Tonight, for example, I had an incredibly strong craving for cookie dough. A monstrous craving that would not be subsided with cookie dough ice cream or chocolate chips -not that I had either- it was of the specific and unyielding variety. Since I did not have the ingredients to make cookie dough, I decided that I must run to Wal-Mart to acquire them immediately. I had to go to Wal-Mart, because this particular craving hit me at about 2 AM. It is well below freezing, and a 20 minute drive one way, but, I reasoned, I also needed ink for the printer, and I was completely out of vinegar. Mika (see below) had just peed on the closet door, and I needed the vinegar to clean it up.
Because of the copious amount of snot, I don't feel hungry, ever. This has been a problem all of my life. Everytime someone says some variation of "I only eat when I'm hungry," with the requisite accompaniment of pretentious snobbery, I secretly hope they get to experience my lack of appetite some day. Several times a week, I become light headed and weak, because I haven't eaten enough. Not that I don't want to eat, but that I just don't feel like it. I often just forget to eat. And, when I remember, it is hard to find something I can force down. My relationship with food is much like that of someone looking at a dessert menu at a restaurant with giant portions; I want to have something, but I'm just too full.
So, when I do feel like eating, I more than make up for the lean times. (My grandma would be sure to point out that I've never been lean, and that I should probably have used a different word. It's amazing I don't have more issues, really.) Tonight, for example, I had an incredibly strong craving for cookie dough. A monstrous craving that would not be subsided with cookie dough ice cream or chocolate chips -not that I had either- it was of the specific and unyielding variety. Since I did not have the ingredients to make cookie dough, I decided that I must run to Wal-Mart to acquire them immediately. I had to go to Wal-Mart, because this particular craving hit me at about 2 AM. It is well below freezing, and a 20 minute drive one way, but, I reasoned, I also needed ink for the printer, and I was completely out of vinegar. Mika (see below) had just peed on the closet door, and I needed the vinegar to clean it up.
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